And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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