What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Randomize
