Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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