I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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