Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Ladies don't puke and tell
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
