The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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