I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
