why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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