i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
