Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
