I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
either way he was missing a nipple.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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