went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
