Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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