Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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