apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
