So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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