somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
