cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
