i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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