Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
