why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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