dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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