he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
