1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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