I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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