I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
