i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
