There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
