I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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