I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
