Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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