Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
