I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
