ya dads aren't the best wingmen
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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