I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
