Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
People with herpes should wear stickers.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
