But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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