How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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