You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
