So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
