easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
