I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
