If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
