Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
