you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
