Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
