i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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