your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
