and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
