I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
