mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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