So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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