You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
